When I started to think about ideas for this blog, one of the things that I woke up thinking about was who, out of all the fictional characters I enjoy, would be the better grill master? I pondered who should make the short list and I quickly came down to two names: Hank Hill, Assistant Manager of Strickland Propane and Propane Accessories; and recent newcomer Ron Swanson, Director of the Parks and Recreation Department of the City of Pawnee Indiana.
Those who know me well, know of my penchant for pondering who’d best the other in my fictional battle scenarios, most notably my Super Bowl scenario where the Vulcans would face off against the Klingons. I think that would go to the Klingons, but I don’t think you can completely write off the Vulcans so quickly as they do have great strength and are very analytical. Anyway, back to the grill… Hank and Ron. This would be a really good Iron Chef scenario in Battle BBQ for sure. And since you are still reading at this point, I’ll break the issues of the battle down for you.
Let’s start with Hank Hill. Now Hank is certainly a master of the grill for sure. He’s worked at Strickland Propane selling propane and propane accessories for well over 15 years. He takes his job incredibly seriously and lives by the “taste the meat, not the heat” code of the grill. BUT, as we saw in episode 95 ‘Hank and the Great Glass Elevator’, Hank is vehemently opposed to charcoal. He’s so stubborn that I’d bet if he ran out of propane (which would have to occur from some sort of fluke global propane shortage because he’d never run out any other way) that Hank would likely still not taint his image with the black soot of dirty charcoal. Still, I do hold him in high praise for his stubbornness when it comes to his response to his son’s question about what to do if a guest wants their steak well done.
I’m not as familiar with Ron Swanson’s grilling resume and background, but from what I have seen, the man knows his meat and his way around a grill. Ron’s also got a real flair of simplicity and general calm about him that doesn’t limit him to a gas grill. In the 2nd episode of season 3 “Flu Season”, Ron actually fires up a charcoal grill in the office. Swanson strikes me as somewhat of a MacGyver of the grill, likely using what's available and he keeps things real simple, letting the meat speak for itself. Though I’ve mentioned simplicity, don’t let that fool you, some of his ideas such as the turkey hamburger are just so simple, it’s really common sense. Watch the video here to see the steps on how to deep fry the turkey leg and then put it in your giant hamburger patty… pure, simple, genius.
So what we’re left with are two very different styles and in some cases conflicting religious camps: gas vs. charcoal. As well, the anal retentive stubborn nature of Hank makes me wonder if you’d ever get anything new from him aside from perhaps an Alamo Beer Can Chicken. Actually come to think of it, I don’t think Hank would even use an Alamo Beer on a chicken, I think he’d think it a waste of a good beer. But discoveries and great cooking can often occur when you use the recipe merely as a guideline and mix things up a bit. I just think Hank would find that too stressful.
Ron on the other hand isn’t much for adding any flavor at all. In the burger cook off of season 3, he purchased his meat at the “Food N’ Stuff”, straight simple ground beef and made his burgers plane jane. Yet in my opinion, using charcoal is going to add a whole layer of flavor that Hank’s going to lack using the propane grill. You know, the more I think of it and especially after watching the clip below, I think Hank and Ron would actually be friends, or rather friendly towards each other. I don’t think either would make the effort to develop the friendship because that's who they are, but they’d sure have a great chat meeting at a gas station.
Anyway, I digress. It really is a tough call, but I hope I’ve perhaps given you some fodder to consider in making your selection on the poll of who would be the better fictional grill master (located in the top right corner of this page). Cast your vote today! J
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